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Posts Tagged ‘celebrities’

Jon has big plans for Kate's birthday.

The Appeal of Imminent Death

Imagine this:
You and your lovely wife hate each other, and 10 MILLION people tune in to watch! To watch what exactly? The gore! It’s like NASCAR, but with screaming children instead of screaming engines. The fans are in the bleachers, binoculars in hand, straining to see which of you will kill the other one first by dropping a toaster into the bathtub. It just doesn’t get any better than that.  It’s like the War of the Roses, but it’s real! Maybe.

Whatever it is, it’s money in the bank. You’ve heard the expression “there’s no such thing as bad publicity”? Well here it is in the flesh. I don’t recommend this business model for everybody. This theory says attention equals money, no matter how you get the attention. But we’ll get to the downside later. For now, lets just soak up all the good Jon and Kate vibes.

Doom is Great T.V.

So what’s really going on with Jon and Kate? Are they going to divorce? Are they really unhappy? Can they work things out? Should they call Dr. Phil? Have they tried meditation, or the ab roller, or coffee enemas? Can anything save them? What if Mother Theresa was still alive? What if  President Obama could give them “hope”? What if  Dick Cheney could frighten them into being good? What if they did Wrestle Mania with the Octo Mom? What if they ate their babies like fish? What if, what if, what if… I really don’t care.  I’m just waiting for that toaster to fall.  The whole country is waiting for the toaster to fall. THAT is television, and they know it.

I imagine it will get even better before it all gets cancelled. Can you imagine the ratings when Jon is on top of the Post Office with a sniper rifle? Maybe he’ll saw the house in two with a chainsaw. (A guy getting divorced did that once.) I see nothing but money in their future, but not if they actually separate. They have to stay together, and kill each other week after week.  But unlike NASCAR, there doesn’t need to be a winner…  just bathtubs and toasters.

Controversy Jingles Like Money

So why am I being so mean? I’m not, I’m just pointing out how much money you can make with a little controversy if you play your cards right. If you watch the media closely, you’ll see contrived controversy all the time. Big corporations do it, politicians do it, sometimes our own children do it. It’s all around us. Creating really great controversy isn’t a trend, it’s an art form. But there may be more artists than there used to be, and THAT is a trend.

So with Jon and Kate, is it all contrived? With these guys, their problems are probably real. They may be perfectly nice people who were just slowly driven mad by all of those kids. That could happen to anybody. Just look at all the crazy people that only have ONE kid. But that isn’t the point here. The point is that controversy brings money, and the money perpetuates itself… so more  controversy. It’s not rocket science.  The turmoil will get weighed, measured, polled,  surveyed, and packaged. That’s just marketing. It’s big shiny Christmas packages full of hostility.

So my advice for the average business? If you get into a fight with your business partner and 10 million people come to watch, then hey, take the money and run.  But other than that, don’t try this business model at home. It doesn’t work for everyone, and frankly, there just aren’t enough toasters to go around.